Why Women Need Other Women: Galentine’s Day, Friendship, and Emotional Wellness, & Mental Health in Madison WI

Written by Amberly Stevens
LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, and one of our therapists here at HEART Counseling in Madison WI

*The intended audience for this blog post is women, and those who identify as female. If that does not apply to you, you are absolutely welcome to read on, just know that you are not the intended audience.*

Why Female Friendships Matter for Mental Health & Emotional Wellness

I live in a house full of boys. I’ll be honest, I had some brief disappointment when we found out that our third and final baby was another boy, until I realized that this meant I would be “queen of the house.” 😉 Having all boys has honestly been a wonderful experience, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

However, I have realized that it is extremely important for my mental and emotional health and wellness to have close female friendships.

Galentine’s Day and Emotional Wellness

I’m not exactly sure where the tradition of Galentine’s Day originated. I’m sure we could all do a quick Google search and find out more than we ever needed to know. I have some vague notion that Galentine’s Day can be a little bit of an “eff-you” to people in relationships, and maybe men in general.

If that’s the case, I think we should let that sh*t go, and instead celebrate what’s bigger. regardless of our relationship status or sexual orientation, women need women.

Women Supporting Women: A Historical (and Human) Need

Thinking back to most of human history, I think it’s safe to say that women have always needed other women. The current status quo of people living in single-family homes and taking care of all of the domestic and emotional needs themselves is a relatively new phenomenon.

There used to be many hands around to help, offer wisdom, share the burden, and exist in community. Can you imagine how it must have felt as a brand-new mom to have the wisdom and support of the women in her life close by, or maybe even living under the same roof, offering support and reassurance?

Online “Community” vs. Real Connection in Motherhood

When I had my first baby over nine years ago, I turned to the internet for all the information I didn’t have. I had some access to other moms in the community, but it was easier and quicker to connect with a Facebook group, or read a blog.

This did some really terrible things to my mental health. I struggle with a form of anxiety called scrupulosity, which meant I treated online advice as absolute truth. I felt immense pressure to follow that advice perfectly (this was before medication and therapy helped stabilize my mental health. It was a dark time).

I was looking for support and community. I thought I found it online, but it was a facsimile of the real thing.

How Female Community Healed My Mental Health

I contrast those early years of motherhood with my experience after having my third baby. Instead of feeling like I had to do everything myself, I asked for help from others, including the women in my life.

Instead of getting all of my information online, I connected with the moms in my community and found that there are as many different and unique ways to do things, as there are individuals. I needed other women, and they showed up for me. It was very healing.

A Moment I’ll Never Forget: Women Caring for Women

My favorite example happened during a combined birthday celebration for my oldest and me (our birthdays are one day apart). My youngest was 4 months old and I was wearing him in a sling wrap. He wanted to nurse and I was trying to figure out how to change his configuration so I could nurse him in the sling.

My good friend, a woman 20 years older than me, with teenage and young adult children, got her hands in there and helped me orient my baby so he could nurse comfortably.

I remember being encircled by her and her daughters, and a couple of other female friends and just felt so supported and cared about. I remember getting a little choked up as she helped me and shared her wisdom and experience.

Female Friendships as a Source of Emotional Wellness

My group of female friends is a treasure in my life. These women are busy, kind, badass and successful. They are the best example of women supporting women I’ve ever seen.

There is no competition between us, just hyping each other up. There’s no judgement when one of us chooses a different path than another, just offers of a listening ear and love. I’m proud to call these women my friends.

Reconnecting With Women Through Nature and Adventure

Last fall I went on an amazing canoe camping trip in the Boundary Waters, which is the wilderness area between the northern border of the US and Canada. It is full of lakes and gorgeous scenery.

I went with five other women, three of whom I already knew, and two that were only strangers to me for a few short hours.

It rejuvenated my soul, both being out in the beautiful wilderness, and communing with amazing women for five days. It was such an amazing experience in fact, that I went again with another group of women the following summer.

Galentine’s Day as an Invitation to Connect

Women need other women. So as we approach this silly, made up holiday of Galentine’s Day, I hope you will connect with some of the other women in your life.

Plan a night out at a restaurant. Go for a walk or a hike. Invite some women over for an evening of snacks, or games, or tea. I’m hosting a “favorite things” party this year right after Galentine’s Day, where we all eat yummy food, play minute to win it games, and then do a gift exchange similar to a white elephant, but the gifts we bring are things that we have been loving lately.

I can’t wait, and I hope you give yourself permission to celebrate the other women in your life too.