Unapologetically You: Body Image and Self-Worth Beyond Social Expectations

Written By: Abby DeRoche, APSW

Body image and self-worth are shaped by more than how we see ourselves in the mirror. Social expectations influence how we feel about our bodies, how we express ourselves, and how much space we allow ourselves to take up. Learning to question these expectations can help us build a more compassionate relationship with ourselves.

Every human has a body, and bodies are messy. Yet culturally speaking, we go to great lengths to hide this basic human truth. Bodies come in an endless variety of shapes, sizes, skin tones, and physical abilities.

Society continues to hold up a narrow idea of what makes a body a “good” one or a desirable one. This happens because every culture surrounds us with rules about how our bodies are supposed to look and function (Bobel & Kwan, 2019). These expectations can shape how we see ourselves.

Cultural and social expectations about who we are supposed to be and how our bodies are supposed to look are woven into the fabric of our daily lives (Taylor, 2021).

Whether we want to admit it or not, those expectations impact our sense of self (Taylor, 2021).

How Social Expectations Shape Body Image and Self-Worth

A common idea in our culture is that the human body is something broken that needs to be fixed. Think of how many products are marketed to us every day to change our appearance: self-tanner, concealer, eyelash curlers, hair waxing, hair gloss, shapewear, teeth whiteners, creams, and serums. They all come with the promise to get you closer to an “ideal” version of what society considers a good body.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using these products. You are allowed to change your appearance, play with style, or use products; there is no shame in that. However, it can be healing to take a gentle inventory of how much appearance-changing you do and explore the why behind it, without labeling your choices as “good” or “bad.”

Ask yourself: Does this choice bring me joy? Who am I doing this for? Does this choice feel true to me?

Loving the “Why” Behind Your Choices

There are endless valid reasons people alter how they look:

• Gender Expression: Adjusting your appearance to align authentically with your gender identity.
• Creativity & Artistry: Using makeup, hair, or fashion as a fun form of self-expression.
• Sensory Joy & Care: Finding genuine comfort, relaxation, or purpose in a skincare routine.

At the same time, you can look deeper into your motivation and decide if you are truly at peace with your answer. If you notice the words you say to yourself are unkind, or expectations feel heavy and forced from the outside world, it may be time to take steps toward building a more positive sense of self.

My hope for everyone is to occupy their body authentically, unapologetically, practicing radical self-love. As art therapist and activist Glenn Marla reminds us: “There is no wrong way to have a body.”

Grief and the Body: When Social Expectations Impact How We See Ourselves

Throughout our lives, our bodies are constantly shifting, growing, aging, gaining new abilities, or losing old ones. Every body experiences dynamic change. With change, we gain something new and lose something old.

Sometimes that loss brings grief, longing, or nostalgia. You might grieve a body you used to have, or grieve for a body you never had; one free from pain, illness, or societal barriers. These experiences can also affect our body image and self-worth.

Diverse Experiences of the Body

You might navigate a world built for a specific type of physical capacity, sensory environment, or energy level. When everyday spaces, public expectations, and social structures fail to accommodate how your body moves, rests, or feels, it can take a toll on your mental health and self-esteem.

The grief, frustration, or exhaustion you may feel is valid, and it is not something inside you that needs to be “fixed.” Your body is not broken simply because it functions differently than society expects it to.

Pregnancy & Postpartum Changes

For those who are pregnant or postpartum, your body undergoes massive physical, hormonal, and emotional shifts. Society often pressures pregnant and parenting people to look a certain way, “bounce back,” or minimize their physical discomfort.

Your pregnant or postpartum body is a living home. It deserves rest, gentleness, and space to exist without judgment.

Fertility Journeys & Infertility

For those experiencing infertility, pregnancy loss, or navigating a body that cannot carry life, the grief can feel quiet and overwhelming. Society often ties a body’s worth to what it can produce or reproduce.

But your body is whole, valuable, and worthy, regardless of fertility status, biological capacity, or reproductive outcomes.

Reclaiming Your Body Image and Self-Worth

How do we hold all of these complex feelings at once? There is no secret formula or magical switch to accept your body overnight, especially when society sends conflicting messages about what you “should” look like.

At the end of the day, your body is your home. Your personality, hopes, dreams, desires, pain, growth, pleasure, and history live here. Your body carries you through the world, offering an experience of life completely unique to you.

Society constantly pressures us to shrink physically, emotionally, and socially. But you are allowed to take up space in every single way. All parts of you are welcome.

A great place to start is gentle awareness. Reflect on your self-esteem and body image as they are right now, and how you want to reshape that relationship moving forward.

Reclaiming your sense of self takes time, but you don’t have to do it by yourself. The team at HEART Counseling in Madison, WI, is here to support you in building a more compassionate, authentic relationship with yourself and your body.

Sources

Bobel, C., & Kwan, S. (2019). Body Battlegrounds. Introduction (pp. 1–7). Vanderbilt University Press. https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/wisc/detail.action?docID=5778014

Taylor, S. R. (2021). The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

 

About the Author: Abby DeRoche, APSW, SAC-IT, is a client-centered, trauma-informed therapist at HEART Counseling in Madison, WI, specializing in perinatal mental health, women’s issues, anxiety, trauma, and life transitions. With a background in reproductive and maternal mental health, she brings compassion and curiosity to conversations about identity, relationships, and the often-invisible responsibilities women carry. Abby believes therapy is not about fixing people, but about creating a supportive space where they can reconnect with their strengths and feel understood.